So here we are, the last week in our “old” house.
I suppose I should be concentrating on the final round of packing. I should be counting boxes and shuffling piles and trying to wrangle odd shaped items that just don’t really fit anywhere.
But instead I’m almost in some sort of grey space. Wondering more about how the kids will really feel once its all said and done. Wondering if it will be as sweet as we hope. Hoping this huge decision, because that’s what it is, will turn out to be the good decision we planned for it to be.
Okay... so maybe I’m over-analyzing here but really these things are the things the kids will talk about when they’re grown. The things Mac Daddy and I will look back on with that 20/20 hindsight years from now.
Years ago when we moved here (where we currently live) we thought we were making the “right” decision. I wanted more than anything to get away from all the familiar places and people I was so used to. Things had changed so drastically that I knew we would never be the same so what was the point of being where we were and doing what we did.
Moving away didn’t change what had happened but it did put some distance between the old and the new and made it a little easier to look at. It took us far enough away that I didn’t have to feel like everybody at the grocery store was looking at me and the kids wondering how we were getting along without him since he had died and we were alone.
Moving here put us in unfamiliar territory so we had other things to occupy our otherwise circling brain space. It gave me a chance to take a breath and I’m sure it gave Mac Daddy a feeling of not being behind everything else for once since he had taken on this new instant family that came with so much baggage.
I guess we’ve had enough time now to separate the actual hurt from the longing for home. One person may be gone forever but there’s so much we left that we can’t wait to get back to... parents that stop by unannounced before you even manage to get in the shower on a Saturday morning... nieces and nephews who live just minutes away. Places that bring back memories of wilder times when I was too young to have any idea what the future would bring (and was too dumb to care).
So begins a new adventure and yes I know that sounds really like a tacky greeting card but really if you can’t look at the things you do as some sort of adventure what are you doing? Just sort of shuffling through?
Besides... that picture up there is our new back yard... quite literally. Our house is half a mile from the water’s edge up on one of those ridges in the background. Who can argue with that?
On knitting...
There’s a new design firmly pinned to my blocking board as we speak. It may be simple but its lovely and was soothing to knit these past few days.
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